


Happy Meals Don't Come With Smiles

by MikeWritesThings (orphan_account)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Am I Funny Yet, College, Crack, Crack Pairing, Ever - Freeform, Gay, Happy Meals Do Not Fucking Come With A Smile, Humor, I am proud of this fact, McDonald's, Minor Belgium/Hungary (Hetalia), Multi, Norway Is A McDonald's Worker, Norway Suffers, Poly Relationship, Polyamory, Suffering, Suffering Through University, This is literally the first time ever this ship has ever been written, You Stupid Dane, gay everywhere, hahahahahahahaha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 01:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7664290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MikeWritesThings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lukas is a suffering university student working a part-time job at the McDonald's on campus. His co-workers include, but are not limited to, Natalia, who has a short temper with everything, Heracles, who sleeps through his shifts, Matus (minimum wage is too good for him, honestly), and Bella, who's only his friend because his brother and hers were friends. </p><p>Meanwhile, a smiling blond idiot demands smiles with his Happy Meals, and Lukas didn't sign up for this shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Meals Don't Come With Smiles

**Author's Note:**

> a humor based two-shot, as well as a chance to write a crack pairing i've come to love--iceland x luxembourg. but, upping it up a notch, iceland x luxembourg x hong kong. it only makes a brief appearence, though, so no worries.
> 
> as usual, reviews appreciated

If there’s anything worse than the register, it’s the drive-thru. The other option is being the ‘janitor’, which involves going through the horrific mess that is undoubtedly the play area, and not to mention, the toilets themselves are a horrifying thought. Lukas can’t actually do much besides serve the ice cream and put the fries in the fryer, so those three are his only options.

He probably looks terrible. He was up all night studying for his Chemistry final and had practically had a heart attack from his coffee consumption. Coffee was great until it wasn’t actually keeping you awake and just accelerating your heartbeat. Then you became worried that you were about to go into cardiac arrest and it made everything ten times worse.

Lukas has gone through this process more times than he would like to admit he has.

After a night of no sleep and over-consumption of a substance that wasn’t good for you in the first place, Lukas was sure he looked absolutely fucking beautiful to the rest of the world. The bags under his eyes and the t-shirt he’d found under his bed this morning in his mad scramble for class probably accented his ‘suffering university student’ look.

So when Tino fucking put him on _register duty_ , Lukas was _ecstatic_. _So_ ecstatic, in fact, that he accidentally dropped a wad of napkins he was holding into the deep fryer and cursed so loudly that a lady nearby actually buried her child’s head into her skirt with a disapproving glare sent his way! Wow. The _excitement_ could be felt radiating off him.

And so, apparently, could the sarcasm.

“You college students and your cynical ways,” Tino scolded jokingly as he himself made sure Toris was doing alright for his first day on drive-thru, and Lukas rolled his eyes as he turned to take the customer’s order. Bella was working the other register, and, as per usual, was the _literal fucking_ definition of sunshine. Fucking _christ_ , woman, tone the smile down. There was no reason to be happy this time of day. Any time of day, for that matter.

“Hi! How can I take your order?” She chirped, brown curls flouncing, and sometimes Lukas swore he only put up with her cheeriness because her little brother was best friends with his, but when she promised to bring him some of her waffles for breakfast tomorrow since they both had the day off, he remembered the _other_ reason he put up with her cheeriness. Free, delicious food. Any college student’s dream.

“What do you want?” Was usually how Lukas asked his customers, but if he was ever met with a disapproving or scandalized glare from them, he usually added a, “From our menu, today?...” Which usually seemed to work.  Today was no exception.

“Lighten up a bit, you’re almost as bad as Natalia,” Bella sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder during their break, “And speaking of which, she’s working the registers with Toris again…”

“Ten bucks says he’ll cry before his shift ends.” Lukas muttered from his glass of water, which Bella had basically forced into his hands after denying him coffee.

“We shouldn’t make bets like this,” Bella scolded, before glancing towards Toris out of the corner of her eye, “But fifteen says he’ll cry before three.”

He did.

Lukas begrudgingly passed Bella some cash from his pocket when Toris broke into nervous tears, sputtering as Natalia rounded on him, shoulders tensing as she screamed that _NO, SHE DID NOT KNOW WHY THE CUSTOMERS GOT MAD AT HIM WHEN HE SPOKE TOO SOFTLY, ACTUALLY YES SHE DID, WOULD TORIS LIKE TO KNOW?_

And this dragged on for some minutes, until Tino rushed out of his office to pry Natalia’s fingers from Toris’s throat and sending her to the break room again.

“Natalia, if you do that again, you’re fired!” Tino called after her, but was met with snarling.

“If you fire her, she’ll kill you,” Matus said unhelpfully from his place in the kitchen, peeking over to look at them.

“Matus, go back to flipping. And does Heracles have another cat with him?” Tino asked, sounding close to tears. Matus’s eyes shifted suspiciously to the right.

“Uh. Nope! Heracles has no cat with him! He’s not asleep either! I swear! He’s just checking on the fries right now!”

Tino cried for ten minutes in his office after that. Bella passed Lukas the fifteen dollars back, who was triumphant that he had correctly predicted their manager’s next bout of tears.

All in all, the day wasn’t exactly the greatest, and it only went downhill when the idiot stepped in.

He had gravity defying blond hair and bright blue eyes, and the thing about working in dine-in restaurants and even fast food restaurants, you started remembering most people’s faces and their orders. Lukas was sure he had seen this guy before as he approached the counter, face bright, smiling wide.

“One Happy Meal, please, and make sure it comes with a toy,” The man rapped his fingers against the counter, staring cheerily at Lukas, and Lukas stared blankly back at him.

“Nuggets or burger?” He asked dully, ringing up the blond’s order as he did so.

“Nuggets! With honey mustard!”

There weren’t any other customers at the counter (Bella had the remaining two covered, it seemed) so Lukas started assembling the man’s order right away. Small fries, nuggets, and...Barbecue sauce? No, honey mustard! And...A toy. Fuck, he needed a toy.

Lukas managed to unearth one from beneath the counter after some groping, in which he’d almost concluded they’d run out, and made a mental note to remind Toris to restock the counters when it was his round on the registers. Slipping the toy inside the box, Lukas turned and handed it over to the patiently waiting, smiling blond man.

“Here’s your order, sir,” Lukas said blandly as the red box was snatched from his hands, the customer ecstatic. The man, however, stood there, still smiling, and staring at Lukas, despite already recieving his food. Lukas quirked an eyebrow, wondering if he had forgotten something. The man pointed to the smile on the red box, before saying,

“It’s a Happy Meal, dude, not an I’m Going To Kill Everyone Meal.”

“I…” Lukas shot a look towards Bella, who was busy adding whipped cream onto someone’s coffee, before looking back at the smiling blond. “What do you want from me?”

“A smile. Duh.”

Lukas’s eyebrow twitched. So he was _that_ kind of customer.

Lukas pulled the corners of his lips into something that could be described as a painful grimace at best, anf the stranger seemed satisfied as he gave him a thumbs up.

“Yay! Remember, Happy Meals, not Sad Meals!”

“I wish we served those, too,” Lukas deadpanned, and was almost surprised, but not quite, when the stranger burst into laughter, seeming to find that the most hilarious thing in the world. He seemed like one of those annoying people who’d laugh about everything. (Looking at you, Matus.)

When the customer finally left to eat his damn Happy Meal, Lukas gave a look to Bella, who might’ve looked sympathetic had she not apparently remembered the fifteen dollars she’d gained and then lost again to him, and her look quickly morphed into one that seemed suspiciously of, “You better hope he doesn’t become a regular, because it’s not going to be my problem.”

Lukas was going to remind her of Mrs. Frying Pan until he remembered that Bella had actually _liked_ her, and gave a low groan as two men with what seemed like a pair of young twins entered, preparing himself to get their orders.

The stranger had slipped from Lukas’s mind the few minutes he spent wrapping up the burgers for the order, but when he returned to the counter with the tray in hand, he found himself face to face with him again.

“Uh. Can I help you?” Lukas asked as he handed the tray over to the customers.

“Yeah, I’d like another Happy Meal, please.”  The stranger said, already holding up his wallet. Lukas was going to respond with a ‘why didn’t you just order the number 6 instead?’ until Tino shot him a look from the drive thru window, having temporarily taken over for Natalia, and he gave a sigh as he rang up the blond’s order again.

Slipping the toy inside the box along with the honey mustard, Lukas handed it over to the stranger. As Lukas had half-expected, the stranger pointed to his own mouth, still smiling, and said,

“Happy Meal! It’s a Happy Meal!”

“Do I have to?” Lukas asked, giving him the receipt. The stranger tapped the corner of his mouth again, still smiling. Lukas leaned against the counter, seriously considering quitting this godforsaken job now, before pulling his lips up into what he hoped was a smile that wasn’t reminisce of a psychopath.

Or maybe he did want it to be like that. Maybe that’d scare the customer off.

“Better!” The customer laughed.

“Be glad it is. I have half a mind to quit, now.”

The customer burst into laughter again, before squinting at Lukas’s name tag through heavy breaths.

“Thanks for making me laugh today, Lukas.”

And then the customer left with his Happy Meal.

Lukas turned to Bella, who was watching him with a shit-eating grin.

“Why don’t we get tipped for this? I demand that we get tipped. I think we do as much work as a waiter or something.” Lukas directed his question to Tino.

“We’re a fast food restaurant, Lukas.”

“My point still stands.”

“Fast food employees don’t get tips besides those in the tip jar.”

“We don’t even have one of those.”

Tino didn’t budge on this subject, continuously saying that no, they don’t get tips, and _still_ kept by this argument, even when Natalia joined it, on Lukas’s side that they should probably get a fucking tip for this shit.

* * *

Lukas was glad Bella brought waffles over, because besides that, he had absolutely nothing else to do besides give the occasional glance over to his desk, which was piled high with work, including the growing pile of revision, which he’d elected to ignore for the past two weeks. Why did he even take Philosophy, again?

Bella’s waffles were delicious, as always, and the two ate together at the tiny table crammed into the corner of his apartment, occasionally talking about things. Mainly, their brothers.

“Eliot might try out for the team this year,” Bella said conversationally as she took a sip of her coffee, which, like Lukas’s, was overloaded with sugar and cream, “Aiming to be the goalie.”

“Hmm, sports were never really me or Emil’s thing,” Lukas responded as he cut up his waffle, “What about Leon? Would he try out?”

“I don’t know Leon as well. Probably not,” Bella said with a shrug. Their brothers had been hanging out for almost five years now, along with two others boys, Leon Wang and Im Yong Soo. Their little circle of friends was often a conversation topic between Bella and Lukas.

However, more often than not, their conversations tended to drift off towards work.

“Have you seen Mrs. Frying Pan around lately?” Lukas asked as he stood up, tossing his paper plate into the trash. Bella sipped her coffee once again, draining the cup, before answering,

“No, sadly. I’d like to ask her out.”

“You met her, like, a grand total of nine times. Seven of which were at work.”

“Yes, and eight out of those nine times, we had a lovely time talking. And her name isn’t _Mrs. Frying Pan,_ Lukas, it’s Elizabeta.”

“I don’t care,” Lukas said, taking her cup from her hand and placing it in the sink. He may not be consistent with his work, but he was at least consistent in keeping his place mostly clean.

Bella stood up to help Lukas, which she always did before leaving. Lukas didn’t really like standing next to her. For most his life he’d been pretty short until hitting a sudden growth spurt a couple of years ago. He was now a proud five foot nine (which was much better than the five foot four he’d known all middle school and some way into high school). Bella, however, was a good three inches taller than him, and it made him feel short all over again.

This was probably another reason he didn’t like Bella.

“Oh yeah, by the way, I rented a movie we can watch tonight, if you want. We can invite Natalia over as well.”

And this was another reason he _did_ like Bella.

“Alright, but I have no popcorn, so you’re going to be the one to go get it.”

“Deal. Call Natalia for me.”

* * *

Maybe staying up until midnight watching _The Skeleton Twins_ and then proceeding to all cry for about an hour afterwards wasn’t the best plan, especially since Natalia decided to crash there overnight, too bothered to bike back to her apartment. When Lukas woke up, it was to find that his TV had been left on (hello, extremely large electric bill) Bella was gone, and Natalia was curled up on the floor with 90% of his blankets.

And, he was fifteen minutes late for work.

“Nat, I need you to lock the door when you leave,” Lukas called to the woman as he bounded out the door, uniform on. This was met with a grumbled response, which sounded something like, “It’s my day off I don’t have to fucking do _anything._ ”

Lukas hoped she remembered where the spare key was.

Arriving to work, now twenty seven minutes late, Lukas clocked in and approached Tino, already regretting everything, including not having any coffee and not brushing his hair. God, he must look terrible.

“I’m sorry for being late,” He said, looking down at the slightly shorter blond man, “I was--studying--and--”

“Don’t give me your excuses,” Tino said sternly, jabbing his thumb behind him, “Bella already told me why _she_ was late.”

Lukas shot a betrayed look over to the brunette, who was busy working the registers with Kiku, another one of their part-time employees. Bella flashed him a grin as she rang up someone’s order.

“Which means you, sir, are on drive-thru,” Tino said as he shoved the headset into Lukas’s hand, and Lukas felt himself die a little on the inside. Fucking great.

There were four types of drive-thru customers. The ones that shouted loudly at the speaker, the ones that spoke too softly, the ones who got agitated _just_ by you speaking, and the relatively friendly ones who asked ‘how are you?’ before ordering.

Lukas couldn’t stand the ones who got agitated. It usually went a little something like this:

Lukas: “Hi, welcome to McDonald’s, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a Big Mac, please, with a large drink.”

Lukas: “Okay, a Big Mac and a large drink?”

Customer: “Yes, I said a Big Mac and a large drink. Sprite, please. No fries.”

Lukas: “Okay, so you want a Big Mac, no fries, and a large Sprite?”

Customer: “ _Yes._ That’s what I _said_.”

He was just doing his job by making sure the order was correct. You want your order fucked up, go for it.

Sadly, Lukas accidentally said this out loud to the customer, and ended up getting a customer complaint for it. Luckily, Tino took pity on him, apologizing for his uncaffeinated and sleep deprived self. Lukas murmured a ‘thanks’ to Tino, but was quick to anger again when Tino looked him in the eye and said,

“Cleaning duty. _Start with the play area._ ”

It was going to be his death sentence.

Cursing out his manager in Norwegian, Lukas entered the play area, which smelled like overexcited children, sweat, and Happy Meals. Ugh. He wasn’t going to university for _this._ He wasn’t taking Philosophy and advanced Chemistry and he didn’t come here on a partial scholarship for his violin for _this._

Lukas kept himself entertained with these thoughts as he began wiping tables down, and was nearly through when a father tapped him on the shoulder. Glancing up, Lukas quirked a questioning eyebrow. The father pointed down to his son and said,

“Sorry, but my son threw up in the playground. You’re on cleaning duty, right?”

_Today was not his day._

So Lukas got down on his knees, and began crawling up the complicated thing they used. What even was the point of this? Several platforms about one to two feet from each other for children to climb up? Why not, like, a ladder, or stairs, or something?

The vomit was easy to find due to the smell--it was in one of those weird, spherical things with a see-through wall that there was absolutely no point of. Well, could’ve been worse, the kid could’ve thrown up in the ball pit.

After cleaning the puke (and trying not to do so himself) he slid down the slide, dirty rag in hand, and was met at the foot of the slide with Bella.

“It’s my break, so you’re working register.” She said, taking the rag from his hands, before eyeing it with disgust, “Eugh, ew ew ew ew.”

For what seemed like the thousandth time since he got hired, Lukas wished he had the balls to quit. Forcing himself to talk to every stranger and having to deal with every complaint was pushing his limits, but he needed the cash. If only he’d gotten a _full_ scholarship. As he thought about his scholarship, he also thought of the revision waiting for him on his desk, and how he hadn’t even touched it.

Oh, well. He’ll regret it later on in the day when he actually needed to turn it in.

The first few customers had simple orders, but one teen boy in particular was very specific.

“Double quarter pounder with cheese only one one of the patties, onions in the middle, and ketchup only on the top and on the bottom,” He listed, before turning to his friend, a girl with ginger hair, “What about you?”

Thankfully, she only ordered a simple spicy McChicken, so Lukas rang up the order, gave the boy his cash back, and set to work on it. He gave them the tray after setting the fries on it, and was halfway through getting the next customer’s order done when the boy came back.

“Excuse me, sir, you put ketchup in the middle, too,” He said, waving it underneath Lukas’s nose. His friend followed, saying,

“Cole, just wipe the ketchup off.”

Took the words right out of Lukas’s mouth.

“No, the taste lingers,” Cole said, and Lukas snatched the burger back, mumbling a “I’ll fix it” as he finished up the next customer’s order. He turned to Kiku, saying, “I need to go get another burger, so I won’t be at my register for a minute” and went to get the boy another burger.

God damn picky eaters. Couldn’t they be normal and just remove whatever they didn’t want from their meal? It seriously annoyed Lukas. Sadık, luckily,  already had a few extra patties, so Lukas set to work on the boy’s order. Ketchup  on top and bottom, cheese only on top, onions in the middle...That was right, right?

“Picky?” Sadık asked as he flipped another patty, before turning to his side angrily, saying, “Matus, quit fuckin’ around and get to work.”

“Ugggh, but this the only day I get a shift with you and the only day I’m not doing double the work because Heraaaacles,” Matus moaned, lifting himself from the floor.

“You wanna work drive-thru?” Sadık barked, pointing his spatula at Matus. Matus shot to his feet, bringing his hand up to his face in a mimicked salute.

“No, sir, no!” The Slovakian said, before giving a sigh, “Maaan, the manager’s supposed to be the scary one, not the assistant manager.”

“Tino’s scary as fuck, what are you talking?” Bella asked as she approached, ready to take over for Kiku, whose shift was over. Unfortunately, she spoke too loudly, and one of the customers heard, and shot her a disapproving glance, but said nothing. Lukas wrapped the burger before returning, handing it to the teen girl, who was waiting while the boy had went to the bathroom or something.

“Thanks,” She said, taking the burger, and leaving. Lukas got into position at his own register, mood seriously plummeted because drive-thru, puke, and a picky customer all in one day. What could--

And, of course, the guy from the other day came in. The one who wanted a smile with his Happy Meal.

Great. The only thing Lukas could do was pray that he didn’t want a Happy Meal or that he went to Bella’s register instead.

Of course, the smiling blond stranger went straight to _his_ register.

_Sigh._

“One Happy Meal, please!” The stranger said, grinning, before pointing at Lukas’s face, “You’re the guy from the other day! Luke, right?”

“Lukas.” Lukas responded blandly, putting in the stranger’s order, “Nuggets or burger?”

“Burger, with some ice cream.” The stranger responded, digging into his pocket for his money.

“What, you want soft serve on your burger?” Lukas’s response was meant to be some form of sarcasm, but to his chagrin, the stranger burst into laughter, before nodding, sputtering through his laughter,

“Oh my god--Ice cream on my--Yeah, totally. Put ice cream on top of the bun. Honey mustard on the side, please.”

He probably should’ve kept his goddamn mouth shut.

Lukas set to work, having half the mind to deny the customer’s request to put soft serve on top of the bun, but complied anyways. Wait, was he supposed to put it back in the Happy Meal box, or?....

Whatever. He set it down carefully in the box, not bothering to wrap it. Some of the soft serve got on the fries, but the guy seemed to have a weird taste in food, so hopefully he didn't mind creamy dairy on his salty potato sticks. Handing the Happy Meal to the man, Lukas prayed that he wouldn’t ask for it. But he did, anyways.

“Hey, man. Happy Meal. Remember?” The stranger smiled widely at him, tapping at the Happy Meal box.

“Do I have to?” Lukas asked, tugging the receipt from the printer. The stranger’s face said it all. With a long-suffering sigh, Lukas forced his face into a smile, hoping that something in his eyes translated to, _‘Please, end my suffering now.’_

“Nah, that’s not a real smile,” The stranger said, leaning against the counter, swinging the Happy Meal box in one hand. He was probably unknowingly getting even more soft serve on his fries.

“Sir, I smiled. Please go eat your meal.” Lukas said.

“Aww, don’t call me sir, it makes me feel old,” The blond man joked, “I’m Matthias, call me Matthias.”

“ _Matthias,_ please go eat your food, you’re holding up the line.” Actually the only other customer behind Matthias had chosen to gone to Bella’s register instead, but Matthias didn’t need to know that. Matthias, however, ocean eyes glinting with mischief, didn’t move from his spot.

“All I’m asking for is a free smile, man. Or, if you want, I can pay for it. A dollar for your smile, huh?” Matthias said, pulling his wallet from his pocket, “Here, if you smile, you can have the dollar.”

He held the bill in his hand tantalizingly in front of Lukas’s face, and Lukas felt what little resolve he had left in his body crumble slowly at the prospect of a sort-of tip. One extra dollar for his suffering.

He’ll take it.

Lukas smiled, lips stretched tight across his face as held his palm out. The dollar bill was placed in his hand as Matthias laughed, saying,

“Thanks. Also, I bet the ice cream burger’s gonna taste great.”

“Yeah, if you like your burgers made soggy with melted dairy product,” Lukas said, slipping the bill into his pocket. Matthias laughed again, and seriously, _nothing_ Lukas said was funny. Why was he laughing so much? Thank god his shift was almost over.

Actually, on second thought, he had a Philosophy class after this. What was worst, listening to a professor droning on about a boring subject or working another four hours here?

Thankfully, Matthias left after this, and Lukas gave a sigh, Bella watching him with a grin.

“Hey, Lukas?”

“What?”

“I think you’ve got your own Mrs. Frying Pan.”


End file.
